Shared Experiences
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Modernly mixed empowers and connects mixed women through shared experiences and a sense of belonging.
"My mom doesn't know how to relate or explain to me the things that are going on in the world. She never had to obviously go through racial inequality." "I had to figure out my blackness on my own."
Go to link"I've never really liked fitting in much, so having a different story to tell is probably the best part." "When people ask what I am, I usually say my dad is a little filipino man and my mom is a little blonde lady. I just describe my parents instead of making [my identity] about two cultures, I make it about the two people that created me."
Go to link"Even now it's hard for [my grandparents] to accept that they have black grandchildren."
"Being raised by a Latin American mom in a very white community, I was always aware of my difference, but also when I would go to Latin America, I would feel like I didn't quite fit in or that I was out my element." "It's really difficult feeling like you don't fully belong in both of the worlds that you occupy."
"I have never really felt very Latina. I've always been identified as black, or other people have identified me as black, so I never saw myself as Mexican at all." "They identified me, so I took on that identity as well."
"People look at anyone who looks somewhat different from them & they feel entitled to know where they are from & why they look so different.There's this frustration, like hey I can't put you in a box. Tell me what you are so I can navigate it.It makes them feel comfortable, but I don't owe that to anyone."
"I feel like I would just call myself Persian, I mean I'm definitely half Mexican, but culturally I'm Persian because I've grown up around Persian culture, but even then I feel in the middle because my Dad was so good at assimilating."
"I think because I'm mixed I'm more open to dating people of different races."
"I had someone tell me that I'm just white and yes I'm white passing for the most part and I was like, 'No, I'm Persian and Mexican' and they were like 'Middle Eastern is basically white'. It was like them telling me what I was."
"My mom's side, the white side of my family... it's not that we don't get a long, but because we look different, because my dad's different, we don't fit in with that side of the family so we don't see them as often."
"The hardest part of being mixed is that I'm too black for my white side and too white for my black side. Eitherway I'm constantly being made fun of for being too white or too black. "
"Being mixed affects my dating life a lot actually. A lot of guys will only go out with me because I'm a 'cute asian'. It scares me because sometimes sometimes the attention that I get is not about me, but about what I look like."
"The Latino men that I've dated always kind of hid me. I'm not sure if it was because I was darker or black, but I was never allowed to meet their families."
"Having mixed children comes with a lot of responsibility and I feel like sometimes families that don't prioritize having these important conversations with their kids don't prepare them for life as a mixed kid." "For parents that 'don't see color,' your child is still going to occupy spaces in this world and you owe it to them to prepare them for that."
"Some Black men will come to me and be like 'What are you mixed with?' and I hate that so I just feel like they like me because I'm mixed and that's not what it's about."
"When people ask what I am I usually make them guess just to see what they come up with. It's fun to see what people think based on my appearance because it's usually far off."
"At Persian parties, everyone tries to catch up with me in Farsi so I always feel like the friend that was invited as opposed to it being my family party."
"A lot of people assume that I'm more Hawaiian which I'm actually not, but since I lived in Hawaii I leaned on that culture more."
"When people ask me what I am it doesn't really bother me, but people respond and are like 'oh you look way more asian than that' or they'll be like 'you don't look asian at all' and sometimes that's almost offensive."
"My favorite part of being mixed is the ambiguity and people not being able to categorize me in any way. You can't put me in a box if you can't know what I am."
"Seeing the difference between my parents was interesting because they wanted to approach the way that they raised my sister and I the same. Over the years its kind of shifted. They've adopted to the way that they both work."
"I tend to like white guys but then I feel like I have some sort of a responsibility to maintain the black culture in my family because my father married a white woman and my brother is probably going to marry a white woman. It's hard when the people who look like you, don't end up with people like you and is it turns into that question of who should I end up with."
"Both sides [of my family] have a lot of tradition. It's cool because they're very different, but at the same time the views of both are very similar. My parents are from different countries, but the value of family is very important in both."
"I'm definitely a person who says that I'm both [black & white] equally and I think that's because of the type of environment that I was raised in and the people I surround myself with. There's no question that I'm a black woman at the end of the day but I think it's important to connect with both."
"When it comes to identity, that's kind of a challenge. Not just knowing where you fit in, but where you feel comfortable. I've always felt there was no growth in comfort but at the same time it's hard when you're growing up and you identify with this, this, this, and that and some people don't understand that so what i've tried to do is be involved with all of my different identities and earn about all the cultures. It's definitely hard finding your identity when you're mixed."
"Since I'm tan and I have big curly hair I tend to gravitate towards black culture and black people. That's how I feel that other people see me. They see me and they automatically think 'She's mixed, but she's black first', but I grew up in a very white community."
" It's interesting because I don't want to be fetishized, when guys approach me and they ask me what I am. I want to make sure that they're actually interested in getting to know me and don't just want to fetishize me. Sometimes I worry that they''' say something ignorant like 'Oh you don't look black'. Ok, but I am..."
"My family is such a melting pot that if you're not mixed then you're on the out skirts...like 'What?! You're not seven different ethnicities'."
"I feel like I never really identified as being mixed. I would always be like 'Oh I'm white' or 'Oh I'm Chinese'.Then realized when I started dating my boyfriend who is also half Chinese that we kind of had a lot of different levels to relate on because we're mixed."
"The hardest part of being mixed is not directly associating with one group because that is pretty powerful as well, having one cultural place that you come from."
" I always thought that I would end up with a Middle Eastern guy, but it just didn't happen. It's a little more strict dating that way, typically you wouldn't bring them around until you're engaged so it's a little different but since my dad didn't go Arab, he went with an Italian lady, it's easier for me. I see my cousins and it's a lot harder for my full Jordanian cousins."
"The good thing about being bi-racial is that when I have kids I would have had the life experience on what they're going through
"I actually prefer that people ask me instead of assume what I am, so it doesn't bother me so much. I don't know. Some people are just not educated about it."
"My relationship with my family is interesting. We spend a lot of our time with my dad's side of the family, which is the white side and they've always been very inclusive but with my dad... I don't know.. it makes me wonder how him and my mom ended up because my mom is very proud to be Black and Japanese and in this Trump era there has been a mutual butting of heads as far as ideals go. Me and my sister have to spend a lot of time tying to educate my dad on issues about race. It's difficult."
"When I have kids, they'll definitely be mixed and I'll be happy to talk to them about how they identify. In the world we are in, it would be hard not to talk about it, but I would want them to feel loved and I would say 'You know what, you identify with multiple thins and that's a beautiful thing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
"I went to private school growing up and there weren't a lot of black people so I kind of just went with Latino guys, but since coming to LA and being exposed to more people I do tend to drift towards black men. I've never been in any sort of relationship with a white guy nor do I feel like they've ever been attracted to me same with asian guys so I tend to gravitate towards brown."
"When people ask me what I'm mixed with it's kind of like why are you asking, you know. I kind of feel like a lot of times people see me for being mixed as a beauty standard and I don't necessarily like to be seen that way. I like to be seen for who I am on the inside so sometimes it bothers me when people ask what are you mixed with as if that makes me any better."
"My favorite part of being mixed is being able to build a bridge between those who don't understand race relations. My college was heavily white, so having a white background and having a black background helped me bridge communities."
"I grew up Latina. I didn't really get in touch with my black side until high school when I had my first black friends, which is interesting because I feel like my dad is responsible for a lot of that. It doesn't really affect me as much anymore because I take the initiative now to learn about my black culture. "
"I'm very big on speaking on issues in my community. I feel like I'm a voice for both sides. I speak on Black issues just as much as I do Mexican issues. I'm very big on the immigration issue and the DACA issue that's going on and in the black community, I'm very big on the police brutality issue and black rights."
"The hardest part of being mixed is the household tensions. My parents are both immigrants so they're both really attached to their cultures, where usually one culture would be more dominant. With mine they're both very attached. Like what language do we teach her. Even our house is decorate half one and half the other. As a kid it's hard to feel like it's not World War II and it kind of makes you want to disassociate from both because you don't know which one to pick."
"With dating, there are some people in the Mexican community who wouldn't approach me because they know I'm Black."
" I tend to favor my Filipino side more, I was definitely pegged as the Asian girl growing up. People would make fun of me and talk to me in an accent being like 'Do you like rice?'. They were just rude and I do like rice."
"People I've dated have always made a lot of jokes about me being mixed or they'll call me a white girl to make me angry."
" I have three half siblings and they're all full white with blonde hair, blue eyes and then there is [my full siblings] who look like me so when we're together we don't look like siblings, we look like a big group of friends."
"The hardest part of being mixed is the frustration of what are you and having to be defined by one thing and being challenged on what you are because it doesn't quote unquote seem like it or act like it."
"I usually just say I'm black unless they as me and a lot of the time, they do ask me what I'm mixed with and then I'm like does that really matter."
"I'm definitely more in touch with my black side. I like to use it as a teaching moment for my family, especially having nephews who are young, who are racially ambiguous as well. One of the things that does frustrate me is utilizing race when it benefits you the most, in terms of using derogatory terms or identifying with certain cultural aspects but then being disrespectful in the long run. I'm definitely more in touch with my black side and want to help those that are oppressed."
" I don't identify with some of my white friends who are like 'I don't know what my culture is'. I secretly love that I don't understand that."
"My favorite part of being mixed is the amount of culture that I get to dive into because I think both of my cultures have very rich histories so it's very cool learning about them and not only that, but I feel like I'm deeply connected to them through my features."
"When I was younger, I leaned against dating Asian people because I had some internalized hatred. Also there's that family pressure of wanting to date up, like my Asian dad made it seem like if you find a White person you're winning or moving up, like social mobility almost. My dad has always been obsessed with the American dream. He escaped a genocide in Cambodia, so he idealized things here so to him it's like I'd be super American if I could find a white person."
"I don't really like when people ask me what I am because it makes me feel like i have to defend my identity because that question is always followed up with 'Oh I thought you looked like this' or they'll point out random features on you and say 'Well this makes you look like this'".
"I always ask people to guess because I'm curious because I've literally gotten everything; Peruvian, Dominican, anything Latina, or Japanese. To me it's kind of flattering that someone is interested in what you are."
"When I was growing up my father was arrested and detained by ICE so because of that I was never allowed to be around by Latino family. Because my mom's family was so racist, as I've gotten older I've felt a lot of resentment towards them. Hearing the way my white family would talk about immigrants in front of me...forgetting who I am."
"The hardest part of being mixed is people's perspectives of you. I get a lot of 'you're not even black' or 'you're not even this or that' and it's like what do you mean? The way I look at it is that if you're 1% black then you're black."
"The best part of being mixed is feeling different or unique. Feeling like you can talk about your racial or ethnic background to people and just feel proud because when people ask me what I am I always list every single thing because I feel like it's important."
"My Black side and my Filipino side are definitely separate from eachother. It's not that it's hard to get along, they just don't click. With my parents it's always an argument about where we are going for a holiday. 'Are we going to your family or mine?' My dad doesn't get along with everyone so we usually have no choice but to go to my dad's side of the family."